Today was one of those days when I meet a bunch of people and shared my fried rice with them.
This weird balding guy is leading back, sprawled out on his seat on the metro. Staring at me and locking his lips.


I am too tired for this shit.

  • Landon: Hey, how were you almost in high school musical? That's cool
  • Me: It's a long story but tl;dr version is that I liked rabbits entirely too much and it resulted in an audition.
  • Landon: Wow that's really interesting. I never had a girlfriend before, and I masturbate a lot, does that make me a sex crazed maniac?
  • Me: Nah, that just means you haven't had a girlfriend and you like masturbating.
  • Landon: Ok cool, do you masturbate?
  • Me: I think everyone does.
  • Landon: Do you find black dudes attractive?
  • Me: I really don't see how any of this is related or relevant.
  • Landon: Oh lol I was just wondering what type of guys you find attractive. I didn't mean to go too far
  • Landon: I guess I'm a little socially nervous

Woke up, hit snooze, showered, rushed out the door around a quarter after. Bike, bike, bike. Get to metro Half past. Running late. Try to go through, stopped by metro employees.

"What are you talking about? Bikes can go through past ten."
“Yeah, and it’s nine.”

So I guess I’m going to be like an hour early today.


I’m awkward

BASICALLY, there was a European table who I seated earlier in the night who wanted a booth. Nothing was open, then one got up and I moved them there. They were super grateful when they left. “Thank you so much, sweetheart!” And then he leaned in. I thought he was going for an air kiss or some shit. So that’s what I did. No. He whispered in my ear, “I like your lipstick, it’s very sexy.”

So I step back and apologize. Same time, he steps back, locks eyes, raises his eyebrow, then gives me the look.

Old enough to be my grandpa.


… The fuck?

So this guy walked up to me on the metro and said, “So my friends said you were a 6 out of 10 but I said you’re more like a 9. What do you think you are?”

To which I replied, “I am not a number.”

Guy, “No, on a scale from 1 to 10.”

So again, “I am not a number. I do not give a single fuck how hot you think I am.”

And then he walked away.

So of course I had to follow him.

"So is that it? You know what? Fuck you. I realize this is some stupid ploy to make girls feel badly about themselves. One quick question, though. What the fuck? Seriously."

"I’m sorry, I am."

"I really don’t think you are. You realize the girls who would actually respond to that question are the insecure ones who absolutely do not need to feel any worse about themselves than they already do, right? And the ones who know better are the ones who would probably slap you and break your glasses."

"I said I’m sorry."

"Yeah, and I don’t believe you. Fuck you. Fuck you and tell all of your friends to fuck off as well. That was totally uncalled for. You don’t know my situation. I just worked 14 hours, and was hit by a car. I’m allowed to look forever the fuck I want to look. So piss off and leave me alone.l

So I got hit by a car

It was actually pretty lame. I was hoping my first hit and run sorry would be some epic tale but all I got is a curb-shaped bruise and a sore back.

This cab smells like a sweaty ball sack.